Christmas Eve Letter from Linda K. ~ No Holiday with Mesh

Dec 25th, 2011 | By | Category: Patient Profiles

Linda Kilpatrick Getting out of a Car - YouTube

It’s two a.m. Christmas Eve morning and I can’t sleep.  I can’t get comfortable for pain in my leg.  For most people, Christmas Eve is full of last minute shopping.  I haven’t done any this year.

I didn’t do any last year either.  Not only can’t I not afford to spend money on gifts for other people when I may need what I have to put towards my future hospital care, but I can’t go shopping anyway.  My daughter has taken me a couple of times it is true.  It gets me out of the house.  Gives me something new to look at, but there it ends.  I spend part of the time hanging onto a basket to push around the store until I can’t do it anymore, then I retreat to whatever sitting area is available and wait for her.  Or I just sit outside in the car while she goes in.  It is easier than hoisting my painful body in and out of the car.

She took me to the movies a few days ago to celebrate her birthday.  I so wanted to be with her and didn’t dampen the day by complaining how bad my leg was hurting.  I hoisted my painful leg in and out of the car, walked in pain to my seat in the theatre, then had hell getting out of it when the movie was over.  I shouldn’t complain.  I am one of the lucky ones who can at least function part of the time.  Many women can’t function at all.  They live on pain killers full time and stay in bed all of the time.  That’s what bladder sling surgery can do to you.

I wonder about all the executives who run these mesh implant companies.  I wonder about their joyous celebrations with their families.  Their skiing trips or whatever other sport of choice they enjoy throughout the holidays.  They don’t give a second thought to the people who are suffering every day from a product that puts food on their tables.  That buys their houses and other fine things.  They don’t give a second thought, because it isn’t them living like this.


I would say that once I turn sixty-five next summer, I will be able to get the mesh removed from my body and I will be whole again.  Not so!  Mesh removal is only the start of it.  Then there has to be reconstruction surgery to fix the damage caused by removing it from our organs, muscles, nerves and tissues.   A friend is just recovering from her second surgery fixing the damage.  Putting her organs back where they below.  It takes weeks of doing nothing to recover from such a traumatic surgery.  That’s what bladder sling surgery can do to you.

Then there are all the other women who contact me.  One has had five surgeries since having a sling put in her body earlier this year.  We all wonder “Will we ever get our lives back again”?  That’s what bladder sling surgery can do to you.

So no.  Normal and fun holidays with this product in our bodies is no more.  That’s what bladder sling surgery can do to you.  Now once again I will try to sleep.

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6 Comments to “Christmas Eve Letter from Linda K. ~ No Holiday with Mesh”

  1. Jaci says:

    I am a TVT sufferer, can I join this site? I too have been unable to do christmas shopping this year and last, I dreaded christmas this year. I am in pain writing this now worse than last year. I had a TVT put in me in October 2004, not for a prolapse or incontinence as I had neither. I was told it would prevent incontinence in old age, I went for a different procedure orginally which they did not do, they did however put in the TVT. I had no problems from the TVT until 18 months later, I didnt connect it to the mesh, the following year things got worse and I started to see doctors and gyneacologists no one told me what was wrong and each year I got more problems, legs, rectum problems until I did my own reasearch and found it was the TVT. I couldn’t believe it. On top of this I have just found out that I havent had a Gynecare TVT as I was told and led to believe all these years, I have found out that I have had a Tyco tunneller which is even worse. I also did a stupid thing, I went out of the country,as I was desperate, to a so called expert Tape remover who didnt remove my tape but gave my a uterus prolapse and made me incontinent, overflow incontinene and there is no cure for this type. On top of this I have worse leg pains and now limp and tremendous back pains. I am 5 months post op and feel so much pain still like I have been hit by a truck. I would advise to anyone do not go out of your country for mesh removal, they can do what they want to you and get away with it. I am much worse off now.

    • Jane Akre says:


      Thanks for your input… There is no group to join and your email is only seen by me. I do not share unless I ask you first. If you look at the Profile of Liz Reece, she is in the UK and I’m sure will offer some consolation and advice… She found relief with a doctor mentioned in the story. Please stay in touch,,, others will join in and talk with you. It’s a great and unfortunately growing group of women mostly who are suffering. Your story is so similar to all of the other patients. They had no idea what they were in for. Anything I can do to help further, please ask. My email is Thanks for joining this effort and may the new year bring you some peace and health.

    • I am so Jaci that you have been put through all this. I had no idea there was anything like a ‘tape remover’ elsewhere in the world, and I can understand why you strongly advise anyone not to go out of the country. I can also understand why anyone would be tempted to do so if they do not have insurance. This is why mesh manufacturers should be more accountable because EVEN if you can sue for all the damage in your body from mesh, it takes many years to settle and women get very desperate. I so wish there was a way for every woman to be treated by a surgeon of the status as Dr Raz. If the mesh manufacturers were forced to put $10.000 into a fund every time mesh was placed in someone’s body to fund removal, there would be less of this happening. I really wish you well and hope you can find out what has happened inside you.

  2. EJH says:

    I am so sorry. Greed is no excuse for what has been done to us. Deregulation in the name of – if you don’t we’ll take our jobs overseas. So it’s ok to hurt someone who doesn’t live in our country if we can’t in ours. People are a commodity of the lowest level in our country. I too am all so familiar with recliner life, missing intimacy with my mate (years worth). Several surgeries, procedures, and sleepless nights. All because of a “minimally invasive TVT” that would make me leak less! Well I leak more too, in addition to the rest. Never, ever, ever let anyone put mesh into someone you love.

  3. Josie says:

    It is 2:40am and I am not asleep..I understand every word of this story. I had the mesh removed 3 weeks ago and am recovering..however, the doctor could not get two edges that were impossible to get to without harming other organs..My biggest fear was after this surgery, I would never e able to pee on my own again..but Thank God I can. I know my life will never be the same..I know I have at least two more surgeries..I know I lost two years of precious time in my life being in pain and with me, I had lots of vaginal bleeding. Sex was out of the question…so after my surgery in May 2011..I could not have sex again…it was painful beyond words..I have never felt so alone in my life, all because the mesh implant took life as I knew it way..I understand and read these stories wishing we could change things..It can’t help us but maybe it can help women in the future..

  4. Linda Ammons says:

    I too had an implant in Jan 2006 and repairs and replacements over the next 2 years. the problems didn’t stop there. Ended up with a full hysterctomy, doctor thginking this would solve all problems. Of course, it didn’t. I have nerve damage in my vaginal area and constant discharge and bleeding.
    What I am wondering about is your leg pain. I have pain in my right leg. Sometimes I cannot walk nor stand for very long. Thinking it was my back causing it, also have had lower back surgery in 1996. I went to see an ortho dr. He of course wanted to do surgery right away. I didn’t want that, I have had too many already. I want to know what kind of pain you have in your leg and where it is located. I don’t know if it is related to my mesh issue or not and never even thought it would be. But after reading several stories I am not sure anymore.
    I live in florida and it’s really hard to find anyone in this area that thinks mesh is an issue.
    This is for Linda Kilpatrick, I hope you still read these, please respond. Sending to my direct email is ok.

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